Kartenhaus
by Muse-at-dawn
Summary: You and Damon were standing over a very tall house of cards, one movement and everything would fall down. Your words had been the first movement, his had been the final blow. Spoilers for 2x03.


**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

**Claim: Delena.**

**Warnings: Spoilers for "Bad Moon Rising" 2x03**

**Summary:** _You and Damon were standing over a very tall house of cards, one movement and everything would fall down. Your words had been the first movement, his had been the final blow._

**Notes: I'm a Delena shipper but I also am an angst!whore. Do I think Delena's friendship/possible romance will be over after last episode? Obviously not. Both Kevin and Julie had already anticipated that Damon would have to go through a long road before earning Elena's trust back. And I also think that Elena needs to have Damon a bit away from her so that she can miss him properly. Then Delena will happen. **

**The title is also the title of a song by Silbermond, a German band. It literally means 'house of cards' but since I know no German I can't be sure of what the song means, although the music is beautiful.**

* * *

_Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see. She said 'Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be. You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me.'_

_"Whatever It Takes" ~ Lifehouse._

**Kartenhaus**

"The answer to your question about friendship is yes. You have lost me forever."

The echo of those words keeps playing in your head like a broken record, each time sounding more and more cruel. A new guilt starts burning inside you, maybe you were a little bit too cruel with Damon, not that he doesn't deserve it, of course, but still, you were plain mean with him. And his last words to you? Well that had been a blow you hadn't expected, but he left you thinking, all this time trying to convince yourself that you were nothing like Katherine despite being just like her and yet you had done exactly what she would have.

You had manipulated Damon bringing yourself to Katherine's level, which is a pretty low one because, let's face it, everything she's done has been manipulating people to get what she wants. Outside is still dark and it's pretty late, but you can't sleep, not tonight, not when there's a lot to think about. You really wish you could talk to someone about what you're feeling but you're kinda out of options. Your fingers run absentmindedly through the cover of the book he gave you, the one about Katherine, or rather, Katerina.

Maybe you could talk with Stefan, but no, that wouldn't do it. You know Stefan and despite everything, despite the fact that Damon is his brother, you know that maybe right now he doesn't see his brother like that but rather like a rival. It shouldn't be this way but it is, so no, Stefan is not an option right now. Besides what could you tell him? For some reason the idea of being more like Katherine than you thought you were sounds awfully more real when you say it aloud.

Bonnie is ruled out almost immediately. For all you know she hates Damon's guts and anything that brings him pain will only cause pleasure to her. You don't really want to think about Bonnie like that, she's your best friend and you remember that once she was caring, she wouldn't have enjoyed hurting anyone else. Now, however, things are different. Saying that she doesn't hate Damon, after she tried to burn him alive, would be plain blindness. So no, she's not the one you could talk to either.

Caroline is also discarded, you wouldn't like to overburden her what with all she has to go through yet, besides, Stefan told you about what happened while you were away, you know that she broke up with Matt and you know that right now is not the best time. And talking to Jenna sounds, well, it would imply either disclosing the whole thing to her or telling her a pretty edited version of the things that have happened so far.

Sometimes living in a world surrounded by secrecy absolutely sucks.

It would be easier if you could feign ignorance for a little while. It would be easier but you can't, not after Isobel told you in almost a sneer the words that have haunted you since you first listened to them.

"He's in love with you."

The worst part is that somehow, a little part of your mind always knew so you weren't really that surprised. Your mind connected the dots quickly and you saw it, almost as if the message had always been there, she wasn't lying. Damon had actually fallen for you whether you liked it or not. Most of the things he had or hadn't done lately had been because of you, he hadn't killed Caroline yet because of you, he took the arrow that was meant for you because of what he felt for you, not because he had promised Stefan to look after you. You had blackmailed him by saying 'friends don't manipulate friends' and that was exactly what you had done.

You had pretended from the very beginning, you needed whatever information he knew about Katherine and he gave you that book. He took an arrow for you, he looked you in the eye and admitted what you already suspected.

"I didn't know he was wearing that ring. And I don't what I would've done if he wouldn't be wearing it."

And he said the words in such a way that you could actually feel the guilt he was feeling, you knew he meant it, that if he had actually killed Jeremy he wouldn't have known what to do. Well, technically he had actually killed him, he was brought back thanks to that mysterious ring, but all those 'what if's' were they really worth it? After the whole thing had happened you had thought yes, you would never stop thinking of that. Now you weren't exactly so sure. Not after what you had realized what you've done anyway.

You had used Damon, period. He had what you needed so you had manipulated him to get that information. You had made him believe that maybe there was hope for him to believe you could forgive him and agree to be his friend again, something you never intended to do. And you did all that because you thought you had the right, because you thought that it was fair, he brought you pain so you would do the same. And now that you think of it you were more evil because you know what his feelings for you were and you did it anyway, knowing how much would it hurt him to see your absolute refusal for having anything to do with him.

What you never saw coming was his reaction, maybe you thought you were ready for the hurt in his eyes, although you weren't, it still hurt to see the confusion, the surprise and the shock when he understood that you had used him and worse when you confirmed it. Then it was also worse for you. It was the look in his eyes, suddenly he looked at you with disgust. You both were standing over a very tall house of cards, one movement and everything would fall down. Your words had been the first movement, his had been the final blow.

"You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks."

You lay awake, waiting, wondering, thinking, after what happened tonight it seems that he won't talk to you again and you should be glad, after all, that's what you want. But you can't be glad because you know you've hurt him deeply. And somehow, even if you would never admit if out loud, you have hurt yourself as well.


End file.
